And, yes, I edited it. Too many exclamation points. My apologies to Anonymous.
If you are 40, or older, you might think this is hilarious.
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up, what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... uphill...barefoot...BOTH ways. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it. But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy. I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia. And I hate to say it, but you kids today don't know how easy you've got it.
1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog.
2) There was no email. We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen. Then we had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there.
3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick my tail. Nowhere was safe.
4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes. If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself. Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up.
5) There were no CD players. We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?
6) We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting. If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal. That’s it.
7) There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOSH! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7. And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.
8) And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either. When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was. It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you didn't know. You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister.
9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics. We had the Atari 2600. With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square. And there were no multiple levels or screens. It was just one screen...Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died. Just like LIFE! (yeah, I bolded that one)
10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on. You were screwed when it came to channel surfing. You had to get off your tail and walk over to the TV to change the channel. NO REMOTES.
11) There was no Cartoon Network, either. You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little--!
12) And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove. Imagine that!
13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play… all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores.
14) And car seats? Oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shotgun" in the first place.
See? That's exactly what I'm talking about. You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970 or any time before.
There's my technology rant for the day. Now I must brave the icy mist, drizzle and snow flurries to get to work, God willing, intact.