Pushing

I have trouble paying attention. I'm not ADD or anything. I just don't find much interesting. Certainly not life. I've spent most of my time on this planet avoiding life on this planet.

I set Past Ties in 1990 Manhattan KS because I was there. So why can't I remember anything about it?

I remember So I Married An Axe Murder came out during that time, and the first STNG movie. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and Disney's Trifecta: The Little Mermaid, Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast. We all had The Lion King soundtracks, and Madonna's Ray of Light, and Margaret Becker's Soul Tattoo, plus the best of REO Speedwagon.

TT: I may be seeing the problem.

Unfortunately, those aren't the details I need for Past Ties. I can use them, but they aren't what I need. And pushing to remember things I didn't notice just gave me a headache.

I can't remember the intake process for a hospital mental health admission. I took a class. I got an A. Makes no difference. Knowledge ain't there. No sense pushing for it.

I'm hoping I took notes. Fortunately, I kept my DSMIII-R, so at least I have the book in use at the time.

These are the blocks I've run into as my story progresses. Hardships where I expected smooth running. They've slowed me down and depressed me. I keep pushing but I don't seem to be getting anywhere. 

I had a strange bout of writing last night. It wasn't long, it wasn't ground-breaking, but it also wasn't pure dragging torture. The story moved forward. I chuckled a bit. I thought of another string to weave in. I was content with what I did. I didn't even jump ahead. Yet.

When I stopped, I sat in my comfy chair with a cat in my lap and pondered.

I've never written to a deadline before, not for my books, anyway.

I wanted to try doing so to see if I could. A real writer usually has to, right?

Well, I'm not a real writer yet. I don't have a contract or a publisher pushing me for pages. Right now, it's just me pushing me, and I don't think I like being pushed.

When I started Past Ties, I promised myself I no rules, no pressure, no constraints. I've been breaking that promise ever since. 

So I'm not going to worry about deadlines or word counts or the NAF WIP progress report. I'll just write for a bit and see what happens.

'Cause I'm officially out of ideas.