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Saturday, January 1, 2022

Goodbye, 2021. You Weren't the Worst

Hard to believe, but 2021 was NOT my worst year ever. 2019 holds that distinction. May God keep it that way. 

2021 started well. I decided I would physically return to church and stay there. No more waffling. No more running away. I would deliberately seek contact with humans and join their lives at least once a week in a structured setting. I even agreed to carpool for accountability. 

I was coming out of my latest depression. I felt happy. I was crafting, felting, laughing, generally turning back into a human when a TNR cat showed up in my backyard and sent me down a very dark rabbit hole. I may have blogged about this. I don't remember. 

God was kind enough to resolve that issue. Chloe, formerly Black Current, has a forever home where she can sit on warm laps all day and snuggle beside warm heads all night, and I began my official journey into recovery. 

I closed up my garage. No more cat-sized openings means no more cat-sized visitors making themselves my problem to solve. Satan knows my triggers but I do, too, now, so every time a furry issue came up, I turned it over to God with praise. I will not make the same mistakes I have made for the past 20 years. I want different results. 

I sing daily again. Praise songs, hymns, old worship choruses from my childhood. I will not allow the bad thoughts to run the asylum. New neural pathways require new neural responses and mine will be prayer, singing and scripture reading. 

I closed my Facebook account and opened a MeWe account. Social media is a potential trigger for me, so removing myself from the blur that is FB was a good idea. MeWe is a calmer, quieter place where I can still post my cat pics and not worry about contributing to cultural destruction. 

I found The Chosen, a series produced by Loaves & Fishes about Jesus' life on earth and what it may have been like for the disciples to follow him. I have watched both seasons about 10 times each so far, and I see something new each time. Something beautiful about a life of discipleship and the love of God for His children. 

I found a recovery group called Celebrate Recovery. It's a Christ-centered 12 step recovery plan for people with hurts, habits and hardships, and I qualify on all three. I'll have four months of "sober" time on Jan 3, and my life is finally on a track I can live with. I'm learning to support other people, and by extension, support myself in my own recovery efforts. It is astonishing to me how much of a difference those two hours a week make. 

Since I firmly believe things will only get worse until God calls us home, I'm glad I'm finally figuring out how to seek Him for real. It involves service to others. It always did; I just didn't understand. 

May 2022 be the year the church turns back to God fully and without reservation, bringing glory to His name and the name of His Son. 

Keep the faith.