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Monday, December 25, 2023

Merry Frelling Christmas

 In case you were wondering if I've gone through some miraculous transformation that turned me into a hyper-spiritual Mary Poppins - I haven't. I'm still me. I don't know what that means anymore but I know that the parts of me I hate the most remain fully intact. My ovaries, for example, and the frelling mood swings, and for the last 3 years, the covid nose - olfactory hallucinations of smells that don't exist, hang around for 24 hours or more, and like as not make me sick to my stomach - that accompany my ovarian nightmares. 

I hoped I was over the whole breeder thing and could settle into a post-menopausal world with its special horrors, but, no. Two libidinous coworkers scuttled those dreams and since we share the same ventilation system, I'm also back in circulation for who knows how long. One unpleasant aspect of my aging is that I now cycle through numerous hormone-charged moods instead of just irritability or sadness. I've added sleeplessness, anxiety, body aches - which doesn't really describe the depth of pain or utter lack of relief from that pain - and daily headaches that only ibuprofen can reduce, which I no longer take because some people think it's bad for my health. Because the rest of this is good for my health. 

This year, again, of course, the most wonderful time of year has coincided with the most hormonal time and I woke from a fitful sleep to fury and intense pain in every body part connected to my spine. I'm supposed to meet with family later, assuming I make it through winter road conditions that waited until today to manifest, and spend hours trying to play nice and prevent the inevitable when dealing with humans related by blood and little else. 

The cats have caught my mood and a peaceful four day stint has dissolved into spats and demented howling. Mostly from me, but they're adding what they can. 

All this will pass, but not today. Today I have some acrid, horrible smell in my nose that I can't identify and can't ignore. Today the only part of me that doesn't hurt yet is the top of my head and it's only 5 AM so that can change. Today I have to do my best to not kill, maim or firebomb any living things in the true spirit of Christmas until this unwelcome chemical wash passes. 

So Merry Frelling Christmas. May God have mercy on us all. 

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