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Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Pant Rant

Y'all remember when I bought new pants, right? I'd had enough with the old ones being too tight (read "I've gotten too fat") and in a fit of exasperation, I went to the store and bought five new pair in all the colors I wanted. They fit, too. Mom is a witness.

Well, they're too loose now. They fit that night, and now they're falling off and bunching in weird ways and just infuriating. Did I lose weight in the meantime? More likely it's a conspiracy involving space age polymers that cling in an environment of low humidity, white linoleum and florescent lights and relax under all other conditions. I must be a size 11. One salty chip and I'm a 12; one hour  in The Swamp and I'm a 10.

I also have to say, once again, I hate low rise pants. Pear-shaped women carry weight in their bellies and butts, and low-rise pants accentuate not only the muffin-top of belly bulge but broaden the beam by focusing on the widest part of the hips. I guess it's more important to show off that tramp stamp and thong than have flattering clothes. I've been waiting since 1991 for colors I can wear to come back in style, why should I be surprised that clothing trends only get worse? Pretty soon it'll be normal to show pubic bones at work. Better yet, we'll wear nothing on the bottom and focus entirely on baby doll tops that make everyone look pregnant or willing to be pregnant.

I should have learned to sew. Except I would have to find patterns from the 1950's to make a decent pair of pants.

Happy Wednesday, dear readers. May your pants fit in a good way.


  1. Pants are hard to sew. I've tried a couple and they ended up looking like medical scrubs. :D That's okay, I needed PJs at that time.

  2. How long ago was it since you bought the pants? Because I went jeans shopping a few weeks ago, and waistbands are rising again. Which stinks for me, since I am the opposite of a long-waisted pear shape. I need low-rise jeans or the waistband hits my rib cage.

    Also, FYI, jeans now come in "curvy." Again, helps me *none* but might help you.

    1. A few weeks ago. I thought of you and and your non-pear shape while I wrote this. We've had this conversation.

  3. Yeah, the dilemma of pants that actually fit us hip-abundant gals is almost enough to drive me to long skirts. Except I hate uncomfortable shoes, which generally accompany long skirts. Meh. Fashion.

    And as for waistlines coming up again, I sincerely hope that shirts don't go back to being uber short. Also not-so-flattering or comfortable for women-of-a-certain shape.

    1. Totally agree on the footwear with skirts dilemma.


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