Not in a good way, either.
I cannot find a way to proceed with Past Ties. And I'm really looking.
I've written a hook. I've explored my characters and their motivations. I've moved a bit player into a more substantial role. None of it is working.
I broke down and decided to plot out the story. Remembering my experience with my last two attempts, you can understand my reluctance.
I can't do it. It all just looks so boring and trite and juvenile when I write it out. Just...dumb.
The characters I've treasured in my heart all these years are "just two-dimensional characters in a cheap, romantic thriller."
I have to write Dangling Participles. Without it, Star of Justice doesn't exist. Besides, it's funny. I can write it almost without trying. The problem is the two major characters meet in Past Ties. The whole reason they get stranded on Ah'rahk happens in Past Ties.
Do I give up? Giving up feels like a step backwards. I used to give up on stories all the time.
Then again, I'm spinning my wheels here. I should be able to write more than 600 words a day. I wrote way more than that on Star of Justice. Even when Elementals was fighting me, I felt good about it, like it was going somewhere important.
I'm starting to wonder if I'm not ready to deal with the issues in Past Ties. It's about abandonment, self-forgiveness, and rejecting God. Maybe those issues are too outside my realm of experience.
Quick! Someone reject me!
Just kidding. I've been rejected. Recently, in fact.
I've been angry with God, and I've hated myself enough to consider suicide (good thing I'm squeamish).
I just can't find a way to bring all these pieces into a coherent picture. I can't figure out how to stuff this soup.
I'm thinking I'll give it one more month. If I can't get some kind of traction in January, I'll put Past Ties back in the drawer and pull out something else.
January may be longer than usual this year.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Banging My Head Against the Wall
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