I spent some time with Big Brother last night. I haven't done that in a while. He's a busy guy.
He's also a funny guy. He's a cop, with cop stories. Unfortunately, cops aren't allowed to comment on the funny side of what they do while they're doing it.
I can understand that. It's no good having a clown show up with a bullet-proof vest and a sap (that's a little piece of leather with lead sewn in one end. I'm not actually certain today's cops use them anymore). You need folks to take you seriously when the down-side could be a gunfight.
But the Turtle family finds humor in the oddest places. We are accustomed to dealing with tragedy by seeing the funny in it.
We were talking about the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse (yes, this is my family), and he was saying swords were the weapon of choice when dealing with zombies. A sword doesn't run out of ammunition, you see.
I argued a sword does run out of energy when its wielder tires, but he assured me with proper training, you don't get tired. You may get messy, but not tired.
I didn't bring up the possibility of contact infection. If you assume zombification requires fluid exchange in the form of saliva or blood, you run the risk of becoming infected by getting fluids on yourself, which is why guns are the weapon of choice for the masses. Of course, if the infection is airborne, we're all screwed and no weapon will help.
This conversation led to the next obvious topic: smell. He pointed out the one thing you never see in a zombie movie is folks reacting to the smell. He assured me if ever you encountered a 12-day old corpse rising from its grave, you might scream first, but you would puke second.
This led me to wonder if I'd been graphic enough in my dragon fight scene in Star of Justice. As slurpy, goopy and smelly as I made it was it slurpy, goopy and smelly enough? As long as the bodies are fresh, he said, you're good.
It got me to thinking about honesty. I was once encouraged by an acquaintance to "be honest." I spent a few minutes laughing about that.
I am ridiculously honest. You want to know me? Here I am. Some topics I will not broach on this blog because I find them crude (really? me? yes) or unprofessional. But what you read is who I am. I present myself, stink and all, right here.
Why do I do this?
I have no idea.
Perhaps I want to encourage folks who think only they think this way. Perhaps I want to make you feel better about yourself. Perhaps I just like the attention.
The trouble with therapy training is it's almost impossible to self-diagnose with any kind of accuracy. Not because you don't want to, but because those biases I've mentioned before get in the way. If my viewpoint it the only one I know, I can't see past it.
But this is why God gives us friends. You know that old "iron sharpens iron" proverb? A friend, a real friend, is your mirror, your "smell check." They show you things you cannot see about yourself, and they call you on it when your perfumed offering sours to the reek of the grave.
So I guess a post that starts with cops and zombies can end with friendship, kind of like Shaun of the Dead. Just remember to keep the air freshener close. It comes in handy with friends and zombies.