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Saturday, May 8, 2010


This is a difficult time of year for me. Tomorrow will be the 23rd anniversary of my father's death. Yes, he died the day before Mother's Day. Therapists (myself included) will tell you a death near a holiday or other day of celebration (like a birthday) is never a good thing. Of course, therapists should also tell you it's always a holiday somewhere, so suck it up.

You may have heard the old proverb "time heals all." That's a load of compost. Time may put distance between you and the event. Time may provide a crop of memories between you and the event. Time doesn't heal anything.

I miss my dad. Twenty-three years later, I miss my dad. I miss him for different reasons now than I did years ago. I wonder what he would be like. If he would even be alive now if not for that accident. What would he think about current events in this country? How many cars, planes and boats would he have built by now? Would I have married if he'd been here to give me away? That kind of stuff.
I don't wonder if he would be proud of me. That's a nonsense question, as far as I'm concerned. He's my dad. Of course he'd be proud. I'm wonderful.

Have you ever heard "death is just a part of the natural order?" That's a load of compost, too. If death were so natural, I wouldn't have this gaping hole in my heart that my father used to fill and nothing else fits into. That hole exists because my dad isn't here anymore, and that's unnatural.

God created us as eternal beings. He meant for us to exist forever, and we will, either in heaven or hell. For those who've experienced the loss of death, take it as a warning. Pray for your loved ones. Never stop praying for them.

My dad knew Christ as his Savior. He is in heaven. I have no doubts about that. I will see him again, and I'll just have to miss him in the meantime. The Bible tells us we do not grieve as those who have no hope. I don't despair. I don't sob uncontrollably into my Cheerios or go off food for grief because there's no point. I will see Dad again, someday. Just not today. At least, not to my knowledge.

One more piece of advice from someone who's been there. My last words to and from my dad were "I love you." I encourage you to make those your last words in every conversation.

Except maybe with your boss. Something polite will no doubt serve in those instances.

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