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Tuesday, December 5, 2023

One Day at a Time

I should know by now, after almost 4 years in recovery (12.16.2019), that worry and depression come when I "think ahead" or "think behind." 

Much of my recovery practice this year focuses on The Now. My child-self thinks "The Now of Wolf Thought" from Elfquest. The art of being in and experiencing only this moment. Worry comes from anticipating future problems. Depression comes from dwelling on past grief. I've wasted far too much of my life in a future I can't control and a past I can't change. It's time to be here now. 

I will experience today. I will be grateful for the obvious good (hot showers, clean clothes, edible food, humans I can help and encourage, family who love me) and I will be grateful for the good to be revealed at a later date (plot twists like sick cats, sick friends or home maintenance issues). 

Joe Rogan believes life is just a series of experiences. The more varied, the more interesting, the better. Why are we here if not to try new things, fail and learn, and try again? 

I've never felt the call of adventure, but 2023 has convinced me I need more in my life than work and cats. Maybe not a lot more, but more. 

I need service. Service to others. More than just a kind word on the phone, although sometimes being kind to one person is the hardest thing I do all day. 

I am always tired by day's end. I can be tired knowing I tried to be better today than yesterday, or I can be tired knowing I was a grade A snapping turtle. Only one of those choices gives me a chance at some restful sleep. And it is easier to Be Here Now when my goal is to serve the one in my line of sight instead of the one in the mirror. 

Lord, keep me in this moment, until You bring me home for eternity. Thank You for being Here Now with me. 

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