Saturday, July 28, 2012

The Little Things

"It's the little things in life you treasure." Fred Kwan, Galaxy Quest

Normally, I agree with Fred. Celebrate the small stuff because that's all most of us will ever see.

The last couple of weeks, however, it's been hard to enjoy even the small stuff. I want to blame hormones, but it's more likely the little, unexpected, mostly unpleasant changes happening in my life.

The Olympics have put a complete end to my TV routine for I don't know how long. That shouldn't be a bad thing, but it is disruptive. One of my cats has cavities that must be treated. Several of my friends are changing their life circumstances in ways that directly affect my life circumstances. My car sickens while I put aside money to buy a new one. My dog sprouts these little blisters that may or may not be heat-related. My daily Bible reading just finished Isaiah and has started in Jeremiah. Have you read Jeremiah? Road construction has forced a change of driving routine and added about 5 minutes to my commute, which totals 20 minutes more a day in the hot car avoiding stupid people in the same situation. Grandma Turtle's one year anniversary just passed and I miss her. I have a tingling in my left hand that may be nerve-related instead of jaw-related and I don't want to deal with it. I intended to garden this morning and instead spent two hours trying to deal with my hacked email account. I'm now so wound up with frustration, I don't know what to do with myself.

Yes, they're all small, ultimately meaningless tripe, but they're wearing me down.

Add to them the writing issues, and I'm thinking about packing up my cats and moving somewhere far, far away. Not Idaho. Apparently stupid people live there.

I eavesdrop on several writing groups. I rarely jump in for various reasons depending on the group, but I follow the discussions somewhat. I need to stop.

Aslan tells Lucy in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader that no good comes from eavesdropping, and he's right. Proverbs says gossip is like a tasty morsel going down that sours the stomach. I've got the stomach to prove it.

I now worry that I didn't do justice to Ehsu's dialogue, that good stories don't include God because God as the ultimate superpower removes all tension, that my preferred writing style (and reading style, btw) of "plump with description" instead of "action-focused" (I may post on that later) means I'm a poor writer who lacks the ability to edit herself and that writing as a job will shortly go the way of the dodo, so everything I do at this computer is utterly meaningless.

That could be the depression talking.

It's important to remember, people, behind the arrogance of the writer is a huge well of self-doubt. We're putting ourselves out there in a show of bravery, but that doesn't mean we're brave or that we have everything figured out or that we even think we've done a good job. It just means we're trying.

I'm my own worst critic. I don't need more reasons to doubt myself.

I am searching for those little things to treasure, but at the moment, they are few and far between. I hope your life is full of them.

4 comments:

  1. Aww...Turtle. Chin up. Big hug. I love, love, love your writing style.

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  2. Even when you're writing from a stressed point of view, you always manage to put a smile on my face. I really do enjoy your writing style, a lot. I was just (about two hours ago) talking with my son about how hard it is to put so much effort into something that may never provide anything that resembles an income. It's my day off and I should be relaxing but, oh no, I'm slaving over a hot keyboard, wrestling with prose that only a handful of people may ever read. And the self-doubt is eating me alive. My son mentioned a cartoon he saw in which a man is digging for treasure but gives up. What the man can't see is that the treasure is just on the other side of a narrow strip of rock. Just one more swing of the pick and he would have found what he was looking for, if only he hadn't given up. I hope you find your little things to treasure, Turtle.

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  3. I understand the feeling of being overwhelmed by the little things. I am right there with ya! Hugs, my dear.

    And as for your writing style, I have two words: You. Rock.

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  4. Is it time for your yearly lashing with wet noodles?....

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