My lack of desire to be published, indeed my abject terror as the day approached, has led more than one person to raise an eyebrow and wonder, "Then why are you?"
Please allow me to explain. Again.
In my mid-30's, I watched one of those PBS snippets about a 97 year old woman who lived on a farm, milked her own goats, kept chickens and illustrated children's books. I thought, "I want that. I want to be like that when I'm 97. I mean, if I intend to live to 111, I should be doing something and that is right up my alley."
When you're in your mid-30's, hopefully you've figured out the only way to make an idea into reality is to do something. You make a plan. You execute the plan. I didn't want to be published, but if I wanted to be 97 years old writing books with my goats and chickens I would have to first write books and then publish them. I was ahead by one, because I'd already written a book.
So, the publishing.
I remembered my master's class. There we sat on the very first day looking at the course requirements for graduation. They were incredibly daunting. I don't remember all of them but they included 500 face-to-face client contact hours and an hours' long written test plus a huge thesis paper.
Our professor - a therapist himself - smiled. "I know it looks bad. I know it seems daunting right now, but keep in mind you have two years to do all this. The test isn't tomorrow. The paper isn't due next week. You'll do a little every day and when you finally get there, you'll be ready."
He was right. We all made it through.
So I just had to make those writing goals and walk toward them a little every day and when it happened, I'd be ready.
Not so much. Although my mind is set that this is the thing to do, my emotions have tried every possible route to stop me cold. I keep moving forward, and I've finally stopped crying every night and resumed eating normally, but this is purely an exercise of will, as in I will do it. I'm really hoping it gets easier each time. This is not the weight-loss program I would recommend.
Oh, and we're on track for a May 1st release date for Star of Justice print and ebooks through Smashwords, Amazon and Barnes & Noble. I'll get the front cover up here shortly so you can all see the awesome job Keven Newsome did.