Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Getting My Dragons in a Row

One of the beauties of a massive life disruption, like a new job, is a massive discharge of personal energy. So many new things happening spurs on other changes. I must make decisions about stuff previously decided, but I have a chance to look with a new eye, if I take advantage of it.

There's no reason not to evaluate my life choices on a regular basis. I just don't do it. Part of my problem of being too comfortable.

Well, I'm taking advantage of all the uproar to get my dragons in a row. Being dragons, they won't stay in a row, but it's a start.

I've never asked so many questions about insurance and investments. I've made phone calls. I've sent emails. I've looked stuff up online. I've sorted piles into files and analyzed data.

In short, I'm feeling quite grown up at the moment.

Through it all, I've asked God for wisdom when making choices about the life He owns, the life I previously considered "mine." It's not my life. I gave it to Him a long time ago. I just forgot.

He expects good stewardship of the resources He's loaned me. I want to do well by Him.

But I'm learning, every day, He's the one ultimately responsible for me. Whatever happens to me, it's His business. I belong to Him.

This isn't an excuse for bad behavior with the the shrugged, "God will take care of me." No, it's the realization that control is illusion. Only God is in control. I will rest in that fact and find peace.

3 comments:

  1. You couldn't have ducks like the rest of us, you have to have dragons :) Of course you do.
    I love your reminding me that I am not in control either, that takes a huge load off, but is never an excuse for bad behavior when one wants to be held to a higher standard.
    You go girl and enjoy your new perspective on life. :) We're rootin' for you.

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  2. Ditto to Anonymous. Being a natural control freak, me admitting control is illusion takes constant effort -- and some convenient forgetfulness as well.

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  3. No one is freakier when it comes to control than I am. This spring, though, I figured out if I didn't learn how to give "my" life to God, I'd wind up in a mental institution and still be miserable.
    I remind myself daily "I can't do it; God has to." It's not good English, but it's heart-felt. And it's absolutely, completely, totally true.

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