Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Ah, Sleep

I must have slept last night because the alarm surprised me.

Sleeping is good. I need sleep. I wish I could sleep all day long today, but I can't. At least I'm not working off one hour like yesterday.

I'm "feeling" better, which makes me wonder if the threat of exercise really is enough to make my brain stop sending panic attacks. This will be useful to remember should I get published.

I'm not cured. Based on past experience with severe emotional trauma, I'll take longer than a day or two to recover, but I am better. God and I talk every day, sometimes constantly, it seems. My friends and family continue to pray.

I've reduced my weather-related searches to just the news in the morning and the evening (unless we're in an active spurt of weather where something is happening right then that I should probably know about). Part of obsessive thinking is obsessive behavior. That stops here. It's not helping and I can control it.

One of the things I remember from Steve Leavitt's talk is when a panic attack starts, rather than fight it, you ride it out. Like the "fear is the mind-killer" mantra from Dune. "I will face my fear. I will allow it to pass through me. When the fear is gone, only I will remain."

It's also like surfing, but I'm a nerd so I have to go for the sci-fi over the sport reference.

I also realized I need to remember the fun in my life. I got so freaked out I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't play Farmville. These are the fun parts of my life. How can I live past the irrational fear if I don't combat it with fun?

That all sounds great, but in the midst of irrational fear, it's hard to make yourself care about breeding pigs. I just couldn't. Too bad, really. I missed the father's day special where all babies got the dad's pattern. I'll get over it.

Even as I write, with a beautiful day ahead and no threat of bad weather (at the moment), my stomach is twinging a bit. That's how I know it's irrational fear. 

Thanks for the prayers and the support, my dear readers. God is bringing me through this. I'll be praying for you, as well, that He covers you with His feathers so you may rest under His wings.

4 comments:

  1. Well, I'm glad you got some sleep!

    I was thinking about you last night. I went to a friend's church--they have evening VBS for the kids and adult Bible study for the grown-ups this week--and the pastor talked about Acts 27. Paul and over 250 men were caught on a ship in a horrible storm. But God told him he would get them all through it, and that they would all survive even though the ship would be lost. He spoke about how God doesn't just snap His fingers and bring you comfort--that He brings you *through* things. I've no doubt He'll bring you through this--and stronger on the other side :).

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  2. OK, no joke--the "word verification" that came up with my last comment was "frets." Think Google is listening to your posts?

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  3. *hugs* I understand panic attacks and irrational fear. *prayers*

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