Friday, December 3, 2010

The Problem with Yes

Reader feedback is trickling in. Thank you, test readers.

I can't share what they're telling me, of course. That would taint the remaining feedback. So far no one has "complained" about the same thing twice. I suppose I should take that as a good thing.

Warrior Woman has promised a critique filled with red.

Deep breath. Bring it on. I'm tough.

TT: That used to be my lamb's catchphrase. I remember her no more than 3 years old with a skinned knee or some such, holding back the tears and stammering, "I'm tough." She is far tougher than I, bless her buttons. Feel better, dear heart.

You know, when I started this journey in July 2009, I knew it was going to be a big step. One giant leap for turtlekind and all that.

What I didn't know for certain was how it would affect everything else in my life.

The problem with saying "yes" to one thing is an increasing pressure to say "yes" to other things, too. I didn't use to have this problem. I said "no" to everything. It was quite peaceful.

Now, people know I can write. They know I can speak in front of crowds, and draw, and step up to sing the National Anthem if no one else has the chutzpah to do it (I can even do it with a puppet). They think I have more time than the average family woman (they're wrong on that) and they don't mind impinging on it.

I don't like people knowing these things. It means I get tapped. More often than I did when folks thought I was just the tall gal in glasses who's first question upon entering a room is "where's the food?"

TT: That's actually true.

What people don't seem to realize is who I am.

They see the public me: the loud, confident, competent, opinionated recovering brat former therapist who isn't afraid to call them on their stupidity in public. Loudly, if necessary.

Yes, that's me. But, I'm also the quiet "live-and-let-live" gal who doesn't care what you do as long as it doesn't interfere with my FV time.

I'm not shy, but I don't like to be put in the spotlight. I don't like to be the target. I don't care to have all attention focused on me all the time.

That does sound odd, doesn't it, considering what I write here. But it's true.

I also don't like having to decide when to say "yes." Now when people ask me to do something, I have to think about it. Can I do it? Will I do it? Are crops coming due about that time?

It's a pain.

Maybe it's a growing pain.

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