Over the last week, it's occurred to me, I've been a little depressed.
Well, yeah, you're thinking. Your grandma died.
Yes, she did, and that's part of it. But Grandma is in heaven. Her troubles are over. Mine just keep on going.
Not that I have it bad. I have a job, a home, family that love me, money in the bank. I live in America, the greatest country in the world, even if I'm the only one who thinks so. And I know Jesus Christ as my personal Savior, which pretty much trumps everything else.
So what do I have to be depressed about? Let's see.
My job is becoming more stressful by the day (in this economy? Shocking!).
I worry about my home, what will happen to it and my little ones if the Cap and Tax bill gets pushed through Congress this winter as predicted. I'm already bracing for my employer to drop my insurance and force me into a government plan (what employer wouldn't? Keep my insurance, my big toe). A useless government plan that won't cover the mammograms I'll need to find the breast cancer I'm 65% likely to develop in the next 10 years or the treatments I'll need when it is finally found. Which is fine, because who wants to live as a socialist anyway?
My family and friends are facing their own stresses: some economic, some relational, all difficult. They aren't my problems, but they feel like my problems because I love these people.
Money in the bank never feels like enough. That's the problem with trusting in money.
America is falling into such a state of decadence and decay we may never recover. I turn on the news or the radio and I see and hear evil. I don't want to live in the end times, but I wonder if I am.
I tend toward the melancholy naturally, and when I look around, it is far too easy to see the bad things. Makes a turtle not want to get out of bed in the morning.
But I'm not called to look around. When Peter got out of the boat to walk on water, all he had to do was keep his eyes on Jesus. It was when he looked around that things got troublesome.
So, I'm going to keep my eyes on Jesus. Doesn't mean I'm going to hide in my shell and let the world do what it wants, but it does mean I don't have to be responsible for everything and everyone. Shoot, I'm barely responsible for myself.
Reading Elementals, a book I wrote while studying the power of prayer, I am reminded of God's awesomeness. He is where we are not. He sees what we cannot. His plans will unfold in His time and His way. And as His child, I may suffer here, but I will glory there.
Go away, Depression. I don't have time for you anymore.
Later that day...
It occurred to me the bad hair could be a major player in this. I had no idea just how vain I was.